My father & myself |  | Author: J. R Ackerley
Publisher: Coward-McCann
Category: Book
Buy New: $5.98
New (1) Used (9) Collectible (1) from $5.98
Avg. Customer Rating:  8 reviews
Sales Rank: 4883496
Edition: First American
Pages: 219
ASIN: B0006BZ1Q6
Publication Date: 1969
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Product Description
When his father died, J. R. Ackerley was shocked to discover that he had led a secret life. And after Ackerley himself died, he left a surprise of his own—this coolly considered, unsparingly honest account of his quest to find out the whole truth about the man who had always eluded him in life. But Ackerley's pursuit of his father is also an exploration of the self, making My Father and Myself a pioneering record, at once sexually explicit and emotionally charged, of life as a gay man. This witty, sorrowful, and beautiful book is a classic of twentieth-century memoir.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 3 more reviews...
Exploring a tormented life June 12, 2008
I'm always on the lookout for a good "dog book." I found MY DOG TULIP several years ago and really enjoyed it. Enough to then order and read WE THINK THE WORLD OF YOU. Both of these Ackerly books are five-star reads in my book. I wanted to know more about this author. And now I do. "Poor Joe" Ackerly was, it appears, an unhappy and frustrated man for most of his life. MY FATHER AND MYSELF was his tortured attempt to understand why his life was the way it was. Ackerly was gay in a time and a place when that kind of "other-ness" was not at all acceptable. He never felt good about himself. He enjoyed a reasonably good relationship with his bluff if impersonal "old dad," then found out upon his father's death that "old dad" had had another family, and was also probably homosexual - or bisexual - himself. I found myself wincing more than once in reading this book, not because of the content (and Ackerly is quite frank in describing his frustrated search for love in the seedy gay venues of 1920s-40s England and Europe), but becaus the author's pain and frustration was almost palpable. In addition to his repressed sexual life, he also felt a failure as an author, even though all three of his books were quite successful. MY FATHER AND MYSELF was published after Ackerly's death. He had worked on the book off and on for nearly thirty years. A sad, but extremely articulate and at times very moving portrait of the writer. I have his other book, HINDOO HOLIDAY, on my "to read" pile. Soon. - Tim Bazzett, author of Love, War & Polio
alienated, sad, and gay in London between the wars March 16, 2007
This is a beautifully written autobiography of a man breaking new literary ground. He openly wrote of his life as a gay man when it was ostensively illegal in GB, his search for love, and ultimately how he felt cut off from life. Each page aches with sadness, confusion, and need, never able to find what he wants from a human being, though he did late with his dog, Tulip, about which he wrote a classic book of love. There are quite unforgettable images thoughout the book, such as chance sexual encounters on a train ride with his mysterious father or the courtesies paid to him by his many lovers, such as a man with such bad smelling feet that he left his shoes on in bed. While there is a great deal of ironic humor in the book, its overall tone is one of loss, feeling lost in life and unloved in his many failed attempts to find a lasting partner. He also explores the mystery of his father, who hung out as a youth with a gay man he later knew as his landlord, and whom he never really knew or understood. It is a very moving book about an alien milieu and time, of a man hemmed in by inhibition and unfulfilled need.
 A true classic - and important document. January 6, 2006
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
This is one of the best books I've ever read. I've only just finished reading it for the second time. I'm still in shock and awe. Such a story. Such a candid and engaging chronicle of one man's life and also the life of his father.
Ackerley was a pioneer of "gay" literature. This is his masterpiece (without question). A more open and honest depiction of a gay man's sexual life (his likes and dislikes, his promiscuity, sexual incontinence, and his endless search for "the ideal friend")hadn't yet been written. Published the year after Ackerley's death, this book (and Crisp's "The Naked Civil Servant") clearly inspired a generation of gay writers.
Beautifully detailed, "My Father and Myself" is a unique memoir. I'd like to tell you all the details of the story, shocking and poignant. However, the pleasures this volume provides are in its revelations - to elaborate too much would spoil the fun. A soldier in WWI (and a prisoner of war), a lover of Ivor Novello, a private secretary to a Maharajah, a close friend of E. M. Forster - Ackerley's story is never dull or stodgy. "My Father and Myself" is a timeless treasure.
 Not as good as I'd heard. August 11, 2002
1 out of 6 found this review helpful
For years, I have heard about this book. After reading it, I am not that thrilled. I would suggest purchasing the JR Ackerly biography, as opposed to this. It's a bit sanitized for my taste.
Ackerley at his finest May 16, 2002
7 out of 7 found this review helpful
The NYRB Classics series pretty much started out with a slew of reprints of the cult writer J.R. Ackerley, including his three memoirs (this, MY DOG TULIP and HINDOO HOLIDAY) and his one novel (WE THINK THE WORLD OF YOU). This, I would say, is easily his finest work. Ackerley's masterful reconstruction of his father's mysterious lovelife (comprising two unwed households and several unexplained longterm "friendships" with wealthy men) and his own conflicted sex life as a gay man in early twentieth-century London. Ackerley's tone always seems extremely honest, and while the narrative never comes to any absolute conclusions about Ackerley's father you're left convinced that these omissions and gaps are meaningful in and of themselves. This is as about a fine and interesting a memoir as I can imagine.
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